BH’s Lady Whistledown Society Papers #1
Dearest Readers,
It is I, Lady Whistledown. I am taking a break from my regularly scheduled publications from Grosvenor Square, London, to devote my time to the dearly beloved East Side of Branksome Hall. Another season in the form of a school year brings delighted readers the chance to bury one’s noses in the chronicles of this author’s writing. Your devoted author has been informed of numerous scandals regarding the negligence of appropriate uniforms. It has come to my attention that many have been wearing skirts or bottoms with inappropriate pantaloons underneath.
As Lady Weinstock once said, “We must uphold tradition,” the tradition of which she spoke of must carry through in our dear plaid. I dare say our most anticipated debut of the season is not the next assessment of learning, but rather the beginning of winter fashion. Ah, gentle reader, if only the warmer days could last longer, but alas, the leaves must fall, and short sleeves must go out of season.
All eyes turn to Lord Boroomand and his trusty companions, Ms. Stephanie Supino and Mr. Jarrod Baker, as they slay the demon of unruly uniform. As we bid farewell to the improper uniforms of the past, we shall triumphantly float toward a future of prestige, tradition, and honour.
Rest assured that this author will provide you with the most dashing uniform pieces to don during these frigid winter months. The pants are certain to provide coverage and warmth to all members of the East Side. Let it be known that while some may harbour reservations about the pants for their less-than-svelte silhouette, this author assures you of their unparalleled comfort and indisputable vogue in the streets of London. It seems this esteemed institution aims to align itself with the latest trends of the fashionable capital. I would also think it most wise to acquaint oneself with the turtleneck. Not only does it ward off any chill around one’s neck, but it also exudes a certain elegance sought by many. Combine any garment from the uniform collection with a headband, and behold the unimaginable transformation! Much like our esteemed admissions and assemblies prefect, you shall resemble a paragon of organization and professionalism.
My dear readers, I implore you to abstain from the temptation of donning sweatpants beneath your kilts. It shames our esteemed educators (especially poor Siamak) and clashes dreadfully. Kilts exude pristine elegance, while sweatpants exclaim a much more casual demeanour. Mixing such distinct aesthetics would be a grave misstep, and it is my duty to convey this truth to you. Indeed, the Code of Conduct expressly forbids such fashion faux pas, and even it acknowledges the severity of this sartorial blunder.
Furthermore, allow me to address the most pressing matter of all: coats being worn indoors. It may seem perplexing when those already layering undershirts beneath their button-downs and blazers dictate against coats. Clearly, they don’t feel the chill, but I empathize. However, after some diligent investigation, I discovered that the temperature within Branksome Hall on an average winter day is a cozy 24 degrees Celsius—ample warmth to sustain one’s health and more importantly, one’s beauty. Should you feel a nip in the air, consider yourselves fortunate for the options available to you. A quarter-zip or a cardigan should suffice splendidly.
As the curtains draw on 10 Elms’s latest affairs, I beseech thee, thrice over, to refrain from adorning oneself in improper uniform. Spare Siamak, Amanda, Aparna, and Melanie the trouble of reprimanding such attire-related offences. Though it may fall within their duties, I desire a much more entertaining scandal than fashionless students. Now pull up your socks and give this poor author something juicy to write about! Let us ease their burdens; they already contend with the spirited souls of Branksome Hall. Adhere to my guidance and bundle up, while also remaining in proper uniform.